Hmmm...

OK here it is, the end to another day... Thank God it's over!!!

My niece's birthday is coming up soon, like Monday, and I still haven't gotten her anything. Mostly because I have been at work, but also because I don't know what she wants. But I will see her on her big day and get something then... I AM A GREAT AUNTIE!!!!!!
Happy Birthday Christy!!!!!

Angry or Hurt??

Everyday I seem to be getting stronger. My life isn't over. I went to his web page today, and there was a new posting about all this stuff he is buying for his new apartment/life. Okay that's fine. The things I am angry/hurt about are...
1) he removed the link to my site no big deal, he removed all the links
2) he wrote this... "Yesterday I woke up feeling so good it was amazing. Nothing on my body hurt or ached in ANY way..."
ok so thats what really gets me. WTF he can't be in a little bit of pain because we ended? I know I am a girl and i take things more emotionally than guys do,but really... Is it too much to ask that he hurt a bit for me? It was NINE YEARS!!!!! It upsets me that he can break my heart into a million pieces and a few weeks later be okay.

I was a great girlfriend! I learned to snowboard, I went fishing, i watched and became a nascar fan, I cooked for him, made his coffee, did his Christmas shopping/wrapping, went out & bought his best friend a birthday card. To be fair i enjoyed all of this, BUT it wasn't something i would have done on my own, I learned and did all these things because he enjoyed them and I loved him. I had A lot of fun doing these things with him, so it's not like it was a waste of time, but c'mon... HURT DAMN IT!!! MISS ME!!! If not me then MISS US, mourn for the death of a great love!! FEEL SOMETHING!!!!!

Sissers, I am ok, not crying, or else I would call.

I want to be his friend, I just don't see how that is possible right now. When we talk over the phone, I know we aren't getting back together, I am not asking for that, I can talk to him about my day or about my job and be okay, just sometimes he is a little insensitive. I hurt still, I mourn.. So how can you be friends when the pain is so close?

Somedays are really good, i feel great i hurt, but it doesn't get me down, I wont let it. But when I read that it made me angry, why should I feel so bad, when he feels "great"? Why should I mourn something that doesn't seem to mean anything to him? And if it did, how was he able to let it go so easy? You know what's funny, the first Christmas present he ever gave me, was the Bed of Roses soundtrack. There was a really great song by Jane Arden, called Insensitive, these are some of the lyrics....

How do you numb your skin ??
after the warmest touch
How do slow your blood?
After the body rush...
How do you free your soul?
After you found a friend...
How do you teach your heart
to fall in love again...

I want to fall in love again. I wanna feel that great rush of joy when that special person smiles at you, but for now... I just don't want to hurt or feel angry anymore, it's too hard.